Updated: Jul 27
Unfortunately, many parents are still educating their children using the old conventional way approving the method and discipline based on rewards and punishments. That’s why in these families, word and expressions like "no", "stop", "you're grounded", "don't do that", "it's forbidden" etc. are still widely employed. Most results for this method are easily found in the parent’s frustration and their "defeat", because children not only don't respond to these stimuli, but they reject them.
Defective parenting has its origins in the early childhood when parents focus their attention on what the child should not do. Parenting specialists suggest that, as a parent, focusing mainly on the tasks that the child "can" and "should" do (positively), parents can get improved results, this approach provides better discipline.
What Is Positive Discipline?
Basically, it prompts the adults to use kindness (with ﬁrmness) with their children. It is not based on exaggerated permissiveness but on guidance, encouraging good behavior and avoiding attention on the bad behavior.
Encouraging Positive Behavior in Children
Discipline Positive discipline can have greater and longer lasting results especially applied at a young age. Using positive behavior means giving up punishments, excessive rules and most importantly, a better emotional bonding with your child.
For optimal results, it is important to respect a child's opinions, to establish strong (but rational) rules, to apply them ﬁrmly but in a friendly manner, to teach them how to be social, but most importantly to teach them to discover their strengths and potential by showing them their uniqueness
Strategies for Positive Discipline
One of the best counselors suggests to pay attention to several strategies for positive discipline that we ﬁnd in one of the most appraised modern parenting books, "Unconditional Parenting" by the psychologist Alﬁe Kohn:
Don't Act by Impulse
You are the role model for your child. Don't react in anger or when you're nervous. Take a break, do some breathing exercises and calm down before managing a diﬃcult situation.
Be Your Child's Shelter
There are times when your child is overstimulated or he/she ﬁnds himself/herself in the middle of an emotional storm. Clearly, it is preferred to let your child overcome emotions under your supervision.
Your objective is to build your child an "island" of calmness and tranquility, and for your child it's very important to express emotions in the presence of a patient and tolerant adult. This way, they will learn how to control emotions better.
Remember How Children Learn
Routine has a great value, so be consistent and remind your child, with lots of calmness and patience, every time you want your child to learn some new behavior.
Remember how you taught your children how to brush their teeth or eat by themselves. You started when they were very young and you kept showing them your own example, oﬀering more and more freedom and responsibility, until the new skill was accomplished.
Employ the same rule to teach your child how to thank, to wait for his turn, to feed his pet, or to do his/her homework.
Create an Emotional Connection Before Applying Behavioral Rules
The connection with your child is an essential piece in the parenting puzzle. It is very important to keep this bond strong when you correct some of your child's behavior, and avoid breaking the connection. Show your child that you understand him, that you empathize with him/her every time something important is happening, because you will stimulate him/her to behave well, even when he doesn't feel like it.
Set Up Some Rules... But Don't Forget About Empathy
Limits are useful in any relationship and are clearly created not to be crossed and you will constantly need to insist on respecting them. But, you also have to constantly evaluate them from your child's perspective.
A Bad Behavior Is in Fact an Expression of a True Need Often times, the adults treat the problems of their child very lightly, but they have to remember that no child behaves badly without a good reason. Talking about the problem does mean not only convincing the child not to scream or throw with his toys, but identifying the core problem.
Learn to Say "Yes"
If you want a good level of cooperation from your child, you have to express yourself in a positive way when you set up rules. Replacing "No" with positive words can trigger an optimistic message to your child, and not a restrictive one, so that a "Yes" from your side can trigger a "Yes" from your child.
Remember, your child's discipline should be taught by communication and not by alot of physical punishments. With a lot of love, care and openness, parents can accomplish a lot in creating a balanced and positive child.
In addition, to the above steps, we can also provide your child with a temperament test. Our temperament analysis test allows you to see your child for the individual that he is and to respect his particular inborn tendency traits.
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Phone: (912) 604-5967
Book your FREE 15 minute consultation with one of the best counselors in Savannah, Dr. Brenda Graham https://www.pathwaycounselingsavannah.org/contact